


our hearts are leaving home (we are half alone)

by stadamparrish



Category: Dreamer Trilogy - Maggie Stiefvater, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Concerts, F/M, M/M, Merpeople, Nonbinary Character, Revolution, Royalty, Selkies, Touring, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24983509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stadamparrish/pseuds/stadamparrish
Summary: The first thing Ronan does after leaving the sea is join a rock band. The past you try to leave behind always has a funny way of reappearing when least expected, however, and Ronan soon discovers this unfortunate rule of the universe.
Relationships: Henry Cheng & Noah Czerny & Richard Gansey III & Ronan Lynch & Adam Parrish & Blue Sargent, Noah Czerny & Ronan Lynch, Noah Czerny/Henry Cheng, Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	1. Getting The Band Together

**Author's Note:**

> im not very good at summaries. or tagging... but bear with me here!  
> first chapter is gonna be more slice-of-life style, and the next chapters are going to be more chronological.
> 
> (title is from One More Weekend by The Academy Is... because i love them even if they broke up in 2012)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 7/6: fixed some small mistakes i didn't notice before!

Ronan was sitting on the beach when Noah found him. His blue eyes were staring out at the sea, the water rising to stop right before it touched his bare feet. Noah felt like they were intruding on something private with how open and transparent Ronan’s face was. However, that didn’t stop Noah from claiming the spot next to Ronan on the sand.

“How did you find me?” Ronan asked. His eyes never left the ocean. 

“You’re too predictable. You always come here when things go wrong.”

Ronan huffed out a laugh. “You of all people should know why.” 

“I didn’t say I didn’t understand. I just said you were predictable.”

This time Ronan didn’t laugh, but Noah still saw a small smile on his face. Something was still bothering him, though, and it showed itself in the depths of Ronan’s eyes.

“What’s wrong with you today?”

“As sensitive as ever, Czerny.” 

Noah didn’t grace him with a response. They knew that if they left Ronan alone for long enough, he’d talk. Eventually, Ronan sighed, and Noah felt their mouth quirk in amusement.

“It’s Matthew. He’s been… unsatisfied with the pool lately. Well, all of us are, but he’s been handling it the worst.”

“Can you find a river or a lake to swim in nearby?”

“It’s not the same. Freshwater doesn’t work. We need saltwater to change, otherwise we just get wet and nothing happens. It's not like it is for you when you can just put on your pelt whenever you feel like it.”

Once again Noah remained silent. They were aware of the Lynch brothers’ problem, but they weren’t sure they had a solution to it that wouldn’t end in execution. 

“Find another ocean to swim in.”

“They’d find out.”

“Hold a counter-revolution.”

“With what army? Declan’s D.C. friends? They may be for war in theory, but something tells me they wouldn’t actually do too good in combat.”

“Yeah, they might have a heart attack before they even see any action.”

At this Ronan laughed, louder and stronger than the first time, and Noah felt accomplished, almost as if their one goal in life was to make Ronan Lynch laugh. His laughter carried out beyond where they were sitting, out past the salty waves. For a moment, Noah felt a tug in their heart, a sort of longing, but they pushed it back down in order to focus on Ronan.

Ronan was something to be feared. Everyone knew that from simply looking at him, but those who knew who (or _what_ ) he really was had all the more reason to fear him. Noah didn’t, though. Noah came from the same world, and they understood the torment Ronan went through every day he was away from home. 

Noah sat and thought for a moment, scratching at the stubble on their chin before speaking again.

“Seems like you got a lot of repressed emotions and desires. Wanna start a band?”

* * *

Once upon a time, Ronan had been a prince. He hadn’t been spoiled rotten— his father had made sure of that— but he had been royalty nonetheless. Now, though, he was just another seventeen-year-old punk kid, living with his two best friends in a shitty apartment because he had no parents to live with. One of those friends, Noah Czerny, had come with him from his previous life, and the other one, Richard Gansey, was the only person besides Noah and his brothers who knew about said previous life.

Of course, Declan had offered to let him live with him and Matthew, but where was the fun in that?

A sour note brought Ronan back to the present. Noah was sitting across the couch from him, electric guitar in their lap as they tried to write out notes for a song. The guitar was a deep blue color, reflecting the sunlight streaming in through the apartment’s windows. Something had spooked them, but they quickly shook their head and went back to work.

"Are you two actually serious about this band thing?" Gansey asked. Seemed that he had heard Noah practicing too.

"Why wouldn't we be?" Gansey shrugged as he walked into the living room. He claimed the seat in between Noah and Ronan, leaning into Ronan's space to avoid getting hit by Noah's guitar.

“It just didn’t seem like it would be your type of thing, is all.”

Despite the occasional sour note, Noah was actually pretty talented when it came to playing guitar. They were no pro, but they were good enough to make Ronan think that the band actually had a chance with Noah in it. It was nice listening to Noah play, even if they would constantly stop and start again in order to write things down and adjust the chords. The melody they were creating was haunting and gorgeous; Ronan loved the vibe it gave off, and he would be happy to sit there and listen to it all day.

' _If this is what our music is gonna sound like, we're gonna be fucking awesome._ '

However, it all ended when someone knocked on the door. Gansey jumped, and Noah's guitar made a horrible screeching sound. Gansey recovered and got up to open the door; immediately afterwards, Adam Parrish stumbled into the apartment, soaking wet from head to toe. Ronan had to pry his eyes away from looking at how the thin t-shirt clung to his lean muscles. 

“Jesus, Parrish, don’t you own an umbrella?” 

Adam shook his head ‘no’, and Gansey, Ronan, and Noah all sighed.

“What are you doing here?” Ronan asked.

“Gansey and I have a project to work on. You know, for school,” Adam responded. He avoided looking at Ronan, and before anybody else could say anything he was storming off towards Gansey’s room. Gansey looked at Ronan, then at Adam’s retreating back, then sighed.

“We’ll be back out when we’re finished. Don’t count on us for dinner, we’ll get pizza or something.” 

At the mention of pizza, Noah’s head shot up so fast Ronan thought they were going to snap their neck in half. “Pizza? Where?”

“Guess Noah’s attention is back in the building. Why don’t we go to Nino’s, give the two nerds some space.”

* * *

Blue was working when Ronan and Noah walked in. This was the main reason they frequented Nino’s: Blue Sargent. She took one look at the two friends walking in the door before she was already calling in their order. 

“Welcome back, Dumb and Dumber.”

“Who’s Dumb and who’s Dumber?” Noah asked.

“If you have to ask, you’re Dumber,” Blue responded. She showed them to a corner booth and got them their usual drinks before sliding in next to Noah.

“What’s got y’all upset?”

“What makes you think we’re upset?”

“You only come to see me at work if something’s wrong. Or if you want to annoy me, but I’m thinking it’s the first one this time.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Blue. We just need a quiet place to work on our songwriting while Adam and Gansey are working on a project.”

“Oh, this is about Adam, okay. Stay as long as you like.” At Blue’s jab, Ronan groaned, his forehead hitting the wooden table. Blue laughed and walked away, stopping to refill someone’s water before going back to her hostess station. Soon their pizza arrived, and Noah and Ronan rearranged the table to make room for their notebooks and pens as well as their food.

“What’s the deal with Adam? He’s been avoiding you lately, so what happened?”

“Fuck if I know.” 

Noah huffed, obviously miffed at not getting the answer they expected, but let the subject drop anyway. They grabbed their first slice of pizza, with Ronan not far behind. Nino’s was the best pizza joint in Henrietta, which wasn’t saying much, but it gave them an excuse to use it as a meeting place for “the squad”, as Noah had so lovingly dubbed their friend group. Ronan had a feeling that it would also become a place for Noah and Ronan to work on their music when Gansey wanted some space or when he needed to work on schoolwork.

“What do you think of this line?” Noah asked through a mouthful of cheese and pepperoni. They shoved their glittery silver notebook at Ronan. “I’ve had it in my head for a while, but I don’t know where it would fit in.”

“It looks like it would fit with that melody you were writing earlier. Maybe we could make it a chorus?”

“Maybe.”

They continued alternating between eating and writing for the next few hours, every once in a while conversing with Blue as she passed by. Eventually her shift ended, but she stayed in order to sit in on the writing process. Her dark eyes tracked their movements while she munched on a piece of pizza.

“Can I see what you guys have written so far?”

Without a word, Ronan slid his notebook over to Blue, who read its contents with one eyebrow raised.

“This is actually pretty good. Emo as fuck, but pretty good. Who’s in the band so far?"

“Just the two of us,” Ronan answered. “Noah plays guitar, and I can’t decide if I want to sing or play the drums.”

“Do both,” Blue suggested. Not even two seconds later, she pointed to a place in Noah’s notebook where they had been writing down sheet music. “Oh, Noah, try switching these two notes around, I feel like that would work better.”

Ronan scoffed in response to her earlier answer, but he realized that it was literally that simple. It wasn’t gonna be easy, but it was better than having a singer and no drummer or vice versa.

“Who are you gonna get to play bass?”

“We… haven’t discussed that yet,” Noah admitted.

‘ _Read as: We have given that subject no thought whatsoever and probably wouldn’t have considered it until it was too late,_ ' Ronan thought sarcastically.

“Well, good luck finding someone. I have to go; Mom’s probably worried out of her mind at this point.” With that, Blue got up and left, and Noah and Ronan were left alone until Gansey called Ronan’s phone. Ronan handed it to Noah on instinct.

“Hello?” Noah’s mouth was full of pizza. Ronan could practically feel Gansey’s disgust leaking through the phone.

“Yeah, we’re still at Nino’s. No, we didn’t keep track of the time, sorry. We’ll be home soon. Love you too, Gansey.” Noah hung up the phone, tossing it back to Ronan before finishing off their pizza.

"Can we take the rest to go?”

“How much more pizza can your stomach hold?"

“You don’t wanna know, Ronan. You really don’t.”

* * *

“We need a bassist.”

Noah didn’t even realize that the words had left their mouth until Ronan looked up from his battered notebook to stare at Noah. Their bandmate set the notebook and his pen down on the coffee table before responding. Ronan’s eyes were still red and puffy, but he had stopped crying a while ago. Noah was sure they didn’t look any better, even if they no longer remembered why they had both been crying.

“What makes you say that?”

“Neither of us can play bass. How are we supposed to record an album if we don’t have anybody to play bass for us?” Their mind traveled back to the conversation they had had with Blue several nights ago, where Blue had also brought up their lack of a bassist.

Ronan pondered this for a few seconds. “We don’t need a bassist. I’ll learn.”

“We both know you won’t. You’ve got enough on your plate with singing and drumming.”

“It’s not my fault you sound like a dying chicken with a head cold.”

Ronan barely had time to dodge the shoe that Noah threw at him. It went sailing past Ronan’s head and landed flat against the wall. 

“I’m not fixing the scuff marks.” This was Gansey’s voice, and both Noah and Ronan turned to find their third roommate standing in the doorway. The shoe had landed about a foot away from his head, but he looked unfazed. 

“Welcome home, Dick.” Gansey rolled his eyes at Ronan’s comment, moving past the duo to get to the kitchen. Noah noticed that he was carrying grocery bags, and as Gansey busied himself with putting away the food he bought Noah saw Ronan retreat to his room to write.

“Is he okay?” Gansey asked.

“He’s fine. He’s just been on a breakthrough or something,” Noah lied. In reality, Ronan was far from fine, but Noah wasn’t the kind of person who would tell somebody else’s secrets. 

Gansey nodded as if he understood, but nobody really understood. Noah wasn’t sure he ever would. Ronan might have told Gansey about his and Noah’s shared past, but Gansey would never understand the deep longing, the heartache and homesickness that came from being out of the water for so long. This was probably why Ronan only let himself talk about the ocean and how much he missed it around Noah.

Noah closed their eyes when they felt more tears threatening to fall. Instead of crying, they picked up their guitar again and let their fingers fly over the strings on their own accord. What they created sounded like the ocean they knew: harsh and unforgiving, yet also protecting and oddly comforting. If they couldn’t express their longing in their words, they would do it through their music. They would leave the fancy verse to Ronan. 

The metal strings under their fingers calmed them. They didn’t know what they were playing, or where the melody had come from, but they let their fingers move. Who were they to stop the gods of creativity when they gave out free gifts like this? All of their thoughts seemed to melt and twist into notes and chords. In a way, this was the counterpart to Ronan’s lyrics. These were their words; they were being brandished to the world right alongside Ronan’s, but the listener would have to actually listen to understand what they wrote.

Eventually, their fingers slowed, and the last note wavered in the air around them. It wasn’t until they heard Gansey gasp that Noah remembered that they weren’t alone. The blonde opened their eyes to see their best friend slack-jawed and staring at them as if they had hung the moon and the stars in the sky.

“What?”

“Noah, that was… That was…”

“ _What_ , Gansey?”

“That was fucking amazing! I’ve never heard a guitar sound like that, oh my gosh!” Now Noah was blushing, and they had to turn away to hide their smile. 

“Where did you learn to play like that?”

And, just like that, Noah’s smile faded. 

“I, uh… I would sneak out at night to practice. I had a human friend, and he helped me learn. Mom didn’t like me going on land, but I did anyway. She was always worried I would lose my pelt, or that somebody would steal it, or something bad would happen, but I loved playing too much to listen.” When Noah finally looked back to meet Gansey’s eyes, they could see nothing but sympathy and curiosity pouring out. 

“This human friend… Was he the one who-”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” The left side of their face hurt just thinking about Whelk. They didn’t often talk about their past, and having Ronan’s own tragic backstory made it easier to dodge questions from Gansey.

Thankfully, Gansey knew when to let things go. He stayed silent while Noah worked on copying down and recreating the chords they had just produced. They would show it to Ronan when he showed his face again.

* * *

Gansey often showered at odd hours, since school and homework took up most of his time during the day. This time, the clock read 1:29 AM as he stripped out of his clothes. His hair would probably look better if he decided to shower in the early mornings since it became an unmanageable mess when he went to bed with it wet, but Gansey didn’t actually care enough to change his entire routine. 

The only downside to this habit, however, was that he liked to sing in the shower. He made sure to keep it quiet enough so that it wouldn’t disturb Ronan or Noah, but he still felt bad about it. Even though he felt bad, though, he continued to sing. It was the only time he ever let himself sing, at least since the horrible disaster that had been the third grade Christmas concert. He still shivered just thinking about it.

This time would be no exception. He didn’t start singing until a few minutes in, when he was lathering shampoo into his wavy brown hair. It started out as humming, with words following shortly afterward.

At first, Gansey didn’t even realize what he was singing. He knew the words by heart, but for some reason he couldn’t put a name or an artist to the lyrics. When he reached the chorus, however, he realized why.

It was one of Ronan and Noah’s songs. He knew it because he had helped write part of it. Ronan sometimes consulted him for help or came to him to look over lyrics that he had written, and oftentimes Ronan had added Gansey’s own words as verses or choruses (with his permission, of course). He quite enjoyed the songs that his two roommates wrote together. With Ronan’s gift for lyricism and Noah’s incredible guitar skill they had at least a decent-sized shot at “making it”, but Gansey would support them no matter what.

He kept singing even after he had shut off the water. The words came naturally to him, and he quite liked the tune that went along with them. It was fun to sing. 

Suddenly, the door to the bathroom slammed open, and Gansey shrieked as Ronan’s hulking form appeared in the doorway.

“Ronan! For Christ’s sake!” He made a feeble attempt of trying to cover his nakedness with his hands. Ronan spared an uninterested glance at his naked body before looking back up to meet his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell us you could sing?”

“I— What?!”

“Why. Didn’t. You. Te-”

“I heard you the first time! Can you _please_ get out so I can get dressed!”

Ronan huffed in annoyance, as if being asked to NOT bust in on your naked best friend was a personal attack on his livelihood, but he left the room and closed the door behind him to give Gansey some privacy. Gansey took a second to just stand and collect himself before getting dressed. His hands may or may not have been shaking.

When he finally stepped out of the bathroom, both Noah and Ronan were waiting for him. Noah was rubbing at their eyes, which meant that Ronan had probably woken them up. Gansey took a second to look between his two roommates, contrasting Ronan’s excitement with Noah’s sleepiness.

“Now, do you care to explain why you decided to burst into the bathroom while I was showering?” Gansey asked, still trying to dry off his wet hair. Ronan’s face had taken on his signature shark-like grin, while Noah looked more confused than anything.

“Why didn’t you tell us you could sing, Gansey?”

“Yeah, this is the second time you’ve asked me that, and I still don’t understand what you’re asking.”

Ronan groaned in exasperation. “It’s like your voice was gifted by the gods themselves! It’s fucking beautiful. We’ve been friends for years, and yet somehow I’ve never heard you sing before.”

“I guess it never came up.”

“How come I haven’t heard him sing?” Noah pouted.

“I still don’t see why it’s a big deal.”

“Noah and I have reached an agreement. We want you to be our lead singer.”

Back up. What?

“What? I thought you were the lead singer?”

“I am, but… Look, it’s been a struggle for me to sing _and_ play drums at the same time. Noah and I were considering asking for another drummer, but I prefer drumming to singing. Plus you help write the songs anyway, so it only makes sense.”

“I… I’m flattered, really. I’d be honored to sing for you guys.”

Ronan’s grin only widened, and Noah’s slight frown turned into a grin of equal intensity.

“Can I hear him sing now, please? I was asleep when he was singing.”

“Noah, did you agree to let me be the singer without actually hearing me sing?”

“I trust Ronan’s judgment. That, and he threatened to throw me out a window if I didn’t go along with it.”

* * *

Somewhere along the line, they decided on the name "The Raven Boys". Gansey suggested it, and Ronan barely knew anything about land animals, let alone birds, so he and Noah both let him run with it.

* * *

They had just started recording when their need for a bassist became too urgent for them to ignore. Declan had pulled some strings to get them into a recording studio, and now Ronan and Noah finally had the chance to put all of their endless nights of writing and brainstorming to work. However, it wasn’t until Gansey finished recording vocals for the first song that the bassist issue was brought up.

“Alright, alright! That was perfect, Gansey! Perfect!” Ronan turned his head to see their new manager, a young (and rather attractive) man named Henry, clapping in front of the glass that separated them from the recording booth Gansey was using. Ronan liked Henry, sure, but he seemed to be more of a hype man than a manager. Henry was beaming as Gansey stepped out of the booth, but he turned to Ronan as Gansey and Noah went to work listening over the latest recording to make sure everything was, indeed, “perfect”.

“Um, let’s see, up next is… Hey, wait, you guys don’t have a bassist listed,” Henry said. 

“We, uh… haven’t exactly found someone yet,” Ronan admitted. Henry’s face shifted from happy to neutral for a fraction of a second, and then he was smiling again as he pulled out his phone.

“Oh, okay, I see. I’ve got this, then; give me, like, a minute and twenty-seven seconds.”

That was… suspicious, to say the least.

“What does that mean, exactly?” 

Henry gave no response as he stepped out of the room. Ronan looked at his two bandmates, who had the same confusion on their faces.

“I didn’t like how he phrased that,” Noah admitted.

“I’m just curious as to how he came up with such a specific time frame,” Gansey added. 

Noah was counting under their breath, and when Henry re-entered the room Noah grinned at him.

“That was a minute and twenty-nine.”

“Didn’t think you’d actually hold me to that, gorgeous,” Henry said. Noah’s face turned a light shade of pink. Henry’s smile grew bigger, if that was even possible, and Ronan raised an eyebrow. Was this going to be a thing?

“So, I called a friend of mine, and she said she’ll put out an ad.”

“An ad? Where, in the papers?”

“On Facebook, Instagram, Twitter… Everywhere, really. I set the date for next week, so that gives us plenty of time to reel in potential bassists.”

“Set the date… Is this gonna be like a speed-dating sort of thing? Like what you see in movies?”

“I guess so, yeah. Hopefully, we’ll find someone that’ll work for you, or at least a temp or touring member.”

“Well, we kind of need to go on tour to have touring members,” Ronan pointed out. Henry and Gansey both laughed. Ronan wasn’t aware that he had made a joke.

“Anyway, until we actually get someone to play bass for us, I guess we can continue on recording the rest. I can renegotiate the dates we have reserved so that we don’t use up all the time we have and then not end up completing the album. Let’s record what we can today, and then we can work on promotional material and other… _stuff_ until we find someone who can _slappa de bass_.”

“How old are you, again?”

* * *

Blue showed up to the recording studio about halfway through the day. She walked in in typical Blue fashion; sunglasses on, holding a can of Arizona tea, and being chased by a security guard.

“I-I’m sorry, sir, she just… She slipped right past me!”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. She’s a friend,” Henry said. He leaned in to give Blue a hug as the security guard nodded and ducked out.

“How do you two know each other?” Ronan asked. He was next in line to hug the midget since he was closest to the door, and he could feel Blue smiling into his chest.

“Oh, I get around,” was the only explanation Ronan got. He didn’t ask any more questions as Blue detached from him to hug her boyfriend.

“What are you doing here, Jane?” Gansey asked.

“I saw Noah’s Snapchat story, and thought I’d drop by after my shift was done.”

“You’re posting on Snapchat about this?” Henry asked. _Uh-oh_.

“Is… Was I not supposed to?”

“Oh, no, it’s great! You should definitely post on social media. It gets the word out to friends and family, and to people who probably wouldn’t have heard about you guys otherwise. I know Ronan has, like, a thing against using his phone, and Gansey probably only posts about history and shit, but if you all could make a sacrifice to post teasers and stuff that would be great. Also, you might want to think about making an ‘official’ band account on Instagram, or like, a page on Facebook or something, at some point. Just to have a central hub to put all of your info about tours and albums and whatnot.”

Wow. That was a lot of information that went in one of Ronan’s ears and came straight out the other.

“I’ll post stuff, too, if you think that would help,” Blue pitched in.

“It probably would, since you have more followers than Ronan and Gansey combined.”

Blue and Gansey laughed, and Ronan rolled his eyes but still allowed a tiny chuckle to escape.

“Now, can we get back to recording? We only have a few more hours left,” Henry said. He turned to the microphone and leaned in to speak to Noah, who had gone back into the booth once they had hugged Blue. “Alright, Noah, take it from the top.”

Noah nodded and picked up their guitar again. The red coloring of the instrument seemed to glitter in the shitty lights of the studio. Ronan sat back down on the tiny couch that he had been sitting on before, allowing himself to spread out and take up the whole three cushions as Noah began to play. He trusted Gansey and Henry enough to deal with the mixing and the sound levels and all that technical shit he never bothered to learn, so he simply sat back and watched Noah play. It was kind of discombobulating to see their fingers moving and not hear any sound, but it was still relaxing to just see them. 

Ronan hadn’t even noticed that Blue had taken Gansey’s place at the board. As a result, when she asked to play once Noah was finished, Ronan’s head snapped around to look at her in mild shock.

“I didn’t know you played,” he stated.

“Oh, she can play, trust me,” Henry said. Again, Ronan chose not to ask questions.

Noah shrugged, handing over their guitar to Blue. 

"We still need to do the rhythm guitar track, if you wanna take a stab at that. The sheet music is already in the booth."

Blue nodded, slipping in through the open door and sitting on the stool that Noah had been occupying previously. Her tiny fingers barely wrapped around where Noah's larger fingers fit perfectly, but she still managed to start playing as soon as she so much as glanced at the paper.

Instead of sitting on the other side of the glass and not hearing anything, Ronan was granted a front-row seat to Blue’s guitar playing since any noise-cancelling qualities the studio had were negated by Blue having left the door open. It was still recognizably Noah's writing coming out of the booth, but with a twist on it that screamed "BLUE". She took the notes and chords and made it her own without straying from the original sheet music. Ronan would be lying if he said he wasn't mesmerized; where Noah's playing was cold and haunting, Blue's was warm and chaotic, reminding Ronan of a woodland forest more than the sea. Judging by the looks on Gansey and Noah's faces, they were both as shocked and pleased as Ronan was. Henry looked like his usual slightly-happier-than-normal-but-still-neutral self.

As soon as Blue was done playing, she slipped off the stool and stepped outside of the booth. She had obviously intended to hand the guitar back to Noah, but instead she was crushed in a group hug from Gansey and Noah. Ronan, after a few seconds, joined in, although all he did was loop an arm around Blue and Noah's shoulders.

"Whoa, okay. What's with the hug?"

"That was some of the best guitar playing I have ever fucking heard," Gansey wheezed. "No offense, Noah."

"None taken; I agree with you."

"Aww, you guys are too sweet," Blue gushed. Her face was lit up in a smile that read ‘ _I'm not used to being praised on this particular skill and it feels nice._ ’

"Oh my God, Blue, we need you in this band. PLEASE, please, join our band," Noah pleaded.

"You... want me? In your boyband?"

"It's not a boyband, but yes. Yes, we do," Ronan cut in.

"Is this how you guys pick out your members?" Henry asked. "You hear them play and then immediately jump on them to join?"

"I mean, kind of? That's how we got Gansey," Noah admitted. Henry looked amused and somewhat annoyed at the same time, and Ronan felt that it was now his personal goal to make Henry as annoyed as possible as often as possible.

"How else do you want us to look for members? Is a pretty face enough, or should they come with benefits too? Is there, like, some sort of official band member protocol we need to adhere to before we let people into our club?"

Henry's small smile dropped a fraction before returning to normal a second later.

"Nah, it's just that you guys do it differently than other bands I've managed."

"Well, that's kind of our thing. Being different."

"You and ten million other bands, dude. Anyway, since you've all unanimously decided that Blue is in the band, what position is she going to fill?"

"Well, she's obviously going to be a guitar player, but it's up to her and Noah as to who's the lead and who's rhythm," Gansey answered. Noah and Blue both looked at each other, and a few seconds passed before Noah spoke up.

"I think Blue should be lead. Her style suits the lead more, I think," they admitted. "Plus, I kinda like playing rhythm, and it'll give me a break from having to record both parts."

Henry coughed to get the attention of all four band members, since their attention had wandered away from his authority. "Then it's settled. We'll have Blue record the rhythm for this song, and then switch the two of you around for the next one. Sound good?"

* * *

Eventually, the time arrived for the four friends (and Henry, who was still working his way up to the title of "friend" but was very much involved in the band's affairs) to sit through whatever auditions came in through the door of the lobby of Ronan, Gansey, and Noah's living space. It wasn't so much an apartment as it was an abandoned building, and they used the second floor to sleep and live and co-exist while the first floor remained empty. 

So, this was how the band found themselves sitting in the middle of the living room on the second floor, crowded around a pool table borrowed from Blue's mom, while Henry waited downstairs. Ronan thought this whole setup was kind of ridiculous; why separate them from the people coming to audition?

"It gives the players privacy so they can play in front of fewer people. Plus, it adds more suspense," was Henry's answer when he was asked. Ronan wasn't sure why an audition for a bass player position needed suspense.

It took about another half an hour for the first people to show up. Ronan looked out the window to see several cars parked in the parking lot, along with one solitary bike that didn't belong to Blue. Not long after, footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs, and Henry opened the door.

"I'm gonna start letting people in, if you guys are ready."

"Send 'em in," Noah said. Henry nodded and left, only to return again with the first contender. He seemed a considerable deal younger than the rest of the band, and Ronan noticed that he wasn't holding an instrument of any kind.

"Hey, uh. I'm Dave," the newcomer said.

"Hey, Dave."

"Can I, uh... Do y'all have a bass I can borrow?"

"Get out."

* * *

"Not to be dramatic," Blue whined after nearly an hour and a half of going through bassist after bassist, "but I don't think we're ever gonna find anyone."

"Do we even need a bassist? Like, a ton of bands don't have a bassist, and they do just fine!"

"Okay, but those bands still have people who record bass for them in the studio. We'd still need to have a bass player to record what we write for our songs, and if we can't even write anything then we're fucked," Ronan countered. Noah huffed and crossed their arms, but they didn't say anything else as Henry came back in for the seven hundredth time.

"Okay, guys, this is the last one that showed up."

The last one? Oh fuck. Ronan looked down at the notebook in front of him, where he was supposed to be taking notes on whoever walked in. So far he had taken up a whole page with notes that were all along the same similar vein of "no", "absolutely not", or "FUCK no". Hopefully, whoever this last person was would blow them away, or at least be good enough to help them out.

Henry stepped aside, and Ronan felt his eyes nearly pop out of his sockets as one Adam Parrish stepped inside the room. Adam looked like he usually did- faded t-shirt, muddy jeans, and sporting a somewhat new bruise on his cheek- and Ronan was actually kind of glad for the familiarity that he brought. All of the other young people who had tried out had felt odd and out of place, like they didn’t belong inside of their apartment. Adam, however, did.

Nobody said anything for a good few seconds as Adam set down his case and took out the guitar that was inside. It was a gorgeous instrument; the body was a lovely, deep blue, and the finish on it made it shine. It was obviously well-kept, not worn out from years of hard work like Noah's guitar. 

It took Ronan an embarrassingly long amount of time to see the name "Robert" written just underneath where the strings ended on the body.

"Adam." This was Gansey, because of course it was always Gansey who broke awkward silences. "I didn't know you played bass."

"It's not really something I tell people," Adam admitted. Ronan caught Gansey's worried glance and matched it with one of his own. 

"Okay, well, uh... You can begin whenever you're ready," Gansey continued. Adam took a deep breath as he slipped the guitar strap over his shoulders.

"Before I start, I want to tell y'all to judge me based on just my talent. I know I'm y'all's friend, but I don't want you picking me just because of that."

Gansey nodded in reassurance, and that seemed to do the trick. Adam picked up the bass and started plucking away at the strings. His movements spoke of years of practice, and his fingers were calloused enough that he didn't have to use a pick to play.

When Adam was done playing, Ronan stood up to... actually, Ronan didn't know what he was planning on doing, but before he could get out of his seat Adam had begun packing up his bass and was walking out the door.

"Where is he going?" Noah asked. Ronan ran out after Adam without thinking (which was usual for him). He managed to catch up to him just as Adam was swinging his leg over the bike Ronan had seen earlier.

"Hey, dude, where the hell are you going?" Ronan yelled.

"My dad will be home soon, and I need to be home before he is."

"He doesn't know you're here?"

"He didn't know I borrowed his bass, either." 

"Ah," Ronan sighed. "You know, I could dri-"

"No thank you. I'll be fine with my bike," Adam said. He didn’t give Ronan a chance to respond before waving goodbye and tearing out of the parking lot as fast as his bike could carry him. 

"I feel like we were just victims of a driveby or something," Blue admitted once Ronan had dragged himself back inside and up the stairs. 

"Did he tell you why he bolted?" Noah asked.

"He had to get home before his dad did. I didn't really pry," Ronan answered. "Besides, Dick will see him in school later, so it's not like it's a Cinderella situation or something,"

"I don't want to look at Adam's feet," Gansey said. 

"You're not going to have to, Gansey, what the fuck?"

Gansey shrugged, and Ronan sighed.

"So...", Henry interrupted, drawing out the 'o' in typical Henry fashion, "I'm guessing you all have someone in mind? I hope?"

"Yeah, we do."

"Great! Who is it?"

"Adam Parrish. He's-"

"The lanky kid with the bruise?" Gansey sighed, mimicking Ronan's sigh moments before, but still nodded.

"Huh. I didn't hear him play. Was he good?"

"Good enough for us, I think," Blue added. "I'm still kinda shocked that he plays. I never knew that." 

' _OH, that's right, Adam and Blue used to date._ ' Ronan wanted to smack himself for forgetting that. If he didn't tell Blue about his bass playing, though, then it must be a pretty big secret.

* * *

The following Monday, Gansey walked into their apartment after school and announced that Adam had agreed to be their bassist. Ronan's smile didn't come off until he went to sleep that night.

* * *

Ronan wasn't exactly sure what happened next. Henry sent out a group text (after obtaining Adam's phone number) with a reminder about the adjusted studio dates, and then they were in the studio finishing up the other five tracks Ronan and Noah had written for their first EP. Noah and Blue, when they weren't recording, passed the time by having "guitar battles of epic proportions" according to Noah, and Gansey messed up on his vocals on more than one occasion from laughing at something ridiculous Blue or Noah did. It was a three-day-long routine of recording, editing, re-recording, stuffing their faces at Nino’s or at the only burger place in town, passing out in the wee hours of the morning, and then rinsing and repeating.

Adam spent a lot of time over at their apartment leading up to and during those days, hammering out bass lines that Ronan didn't even try to read. They had to tell Adam's dad that he was working on a school project, and luckily Henry pulled some strings to get him a borrowed bass from another band. Adam treated it like he had been handed a literal human baby, but Ronan understood why. 

Soon recording was done. Ronan found himself sitting around a table with the other four, listening to the six finished songs. If anyone asked, he didn't cry. Noah did, though. Blue was hugging everyone, and even Adam looked happy. Ronan had noticed some hesitation from Adam, but now that the songs were actually finished it seemed to be gone.

Henry had to go off to some other part of the country for some business or something (he didn't specify, and Ronan didn't press for information), so they Skyped frequently. Declan was also included in some of these calls, and once Matthew cut in to tell Ronan he "vibed with the music". Declan, as much as Ronan disliked him, was still a good brother, and had agreed to use whatever connections he had to try and help Ronan and the band out. Not in the illegal, "bypass everything because my brother knows people" type of way, but in the way where Declan apparently had friends who worked at record labels who were willing to simply listen to whatever Declan handed out. This didn't guarantee any contracts or anything, but it was still a stepping stone to getting signed. The Skype calls consisted of legal issues that might arise in the future or needed to be dealt with in the present, news from record labels that Declan had gotten a hold of (all of which were rejections at this point), or Henry urging Ronan to actually use his phone and promote the single that the band had collectively decided to release from the six they had recorded. 

Blue put herself in charge of merch, and the apartment was soon overflowing with t-shirts with her artwork printed proudly on the fronts. Ronan was especially fond of the one she made with a tarot card-like design, depicting a raven with three eyes on the card itself and the band name written behind it in a font that looked more like wild brush strokes than actual handwriting.

Despite Blue's excellent work on the merch, she left the cover design to Noah. They dragged Ronan down to the beach one day, camera in one hand and holding Ronan's hand with the other, and took as many aesthetically pleasing pictures of the beach as they could before the sun disappeared behind the waters. Ronan wasn't sure how many there were in total, but they managed to pressure Blue into helping them edit several pictures together to give the waves a blurry, time-lapse sort of look. One of Ronan's heavy boots was in the edge of the picture, and Ronan wasn't exactly sure how that fit into the "aesthetic", but he knew better than to question Noah's artistic choices.

All of this went by in a blur for Ronan, and when he emerged on the other side he found himself and Gansey picking Henry up from the airport (didn't he have someone else to drive him? Ronan had been busy pining for the sea, as usual).

"Oh, thank God you're here. I have some big news for you guys, take me to your apartment," Henry said. He seemed rushed as he shoved his bags into the back seat of Gansey's car. 

"What is it?" Gansey asked.

"Nuh-uh, you don't get to know until all of you are present. Is Adam at his house?"

"Yeah, he said he'd be over later today though."

"Well text him and tell him to hurry up and meet us there, this is important." Ronan raised an eyebrow but still stole Gansey's phone to send a text to the band group chat they had created.

About half an hour later, Gansey parked his bright orange Camaro outside of their apartment building to find Blue and Adam's bikes leaning up against the side of the building. Henry, Gansey, and Ronan made their way up the stairs, and when Gansey opened the door to the second floor Blue, Noah, and Adam were all sitting on top of one another on the loveseat that Ronan may or may not have stolen from the dumpster a few weeks ago. 

"Guys, there's a perfectly good couch right next to you," Gansey pointed out.

"Yeah, we know," Adam answered.

"What's the news?" Noah asked. Their eyes were quite literally sparkling with excitement. That excitement seemed to be reflected in everyone (except for Ronan, who kept his excitement internal as always). Henry took a few seconds to build up the anticipation, eyes darting between the five musicians, before letting the words fly out of his mouth.

"I got you all booked on a tour!"

The gang, as Noah had taken to calling them, were off their feet in mere seconds, grilling Henry for any and all information he could give them. Henry laughed, shoving them all away from him before he gave any details.

"I knew someone who was looking for an opening band, so I played them some of your stuff and they absolutely loved it. It's nothing too big, just an east coast tour, but it's still great for exposure and experience and all that jazz. The first date is in Tampa in about a month and a half."

"Who are we playing with?" Adam asked. At this point, he had calmed down the most out of everyone else, and he had an arm around Noah's shoulders to try and keep them under control.

"You all know Hennessy, right?"

"THE Hennessy? Are you KIDDING me?!" Blue nearly screamed.

"I'll take that as a yes. She had another band lined up, but there was some drama and the lead singer ended up doing something that got them kicked off, and her team was scrambling to find someone. Are you all in or not? I need a definite answer because, in the end, it's all up to you, and I need to text her tour manager a yes or no by tomorrow."

"I think it's a unanimous yes, Henry. I mean, who in their right minds would ever turn down the opportunity to tour with Hennessy?" Blue said. She looked like she was about to vibrate out of her skin, and Ronan was kind of worried about her.

Gansey looked mildly worried Blue was going to leave him for Hennessy, but he still agreed.

Noah was apparently so excited they lost the ability to speak, but they nodded enthusiastically anyway.

Ronan gave a thumbs up. It seemed like it would be a hell of a time, and he actually did want the band to do well, so going on tour would help out a lot. He was all for it.

"I, uh... I need to talk to my parents first. I'm not sure how they'll take this, though," Adam said. His voice sounded shaky and scared, and when Ronan turned to look at him the faded bruise on his cheek looked fresher than it had in weeks compared to his paler-than-usual skin. Henry looked concerned for a second, but still nodded.

"I don't want to rush you, but please do try to get me an answer by tomorrow, if you can."

Adam nodded, then detangled himself from Noah to slip past the mass of young people in order to get out the door. 

"His parents... I know it's not my place to ask, but is he..." Henry began to ask. His voice kept trailing off, but everybody left in the room knew enough to know what he was asking.

"It's his dad. We don't really ask a lot of questions, but he tells us about it when he needs to," Gansey answered. "I keep telling him there's room enough for him here, but he has a thing about pride and money and won't live here unless he pays rent."

"Which is literally pointless, since your parents bought the entire damn building and _we_ don't even pay rent, but whatever," Ronan snorted. Gansey elbowed him in the ribs.

"Alright, well, I should probably head home now. If you guys need me, you have my number. Gansey, do you mind driving me to my home, since my car's still at my place?"

Gansey let out a small amused chuckle before nodding and walking back out the door with Henry hot on his heels. 

"I better get home, too. Mom told me my curfew was midnight, and it's like, seven, but I better go tell her I'll be gone for months," Blue said. She waved goodbye to Ronan and Noah before following her three peers and walking through the door.

"Dude," Noah said, uncharacteristically quiet, "we did it."

"We haven't done it yet, my friend, but we're definitely on our way," Ronan corrected him. Noah's smile widened, and suddenly Ronan had an armful of selkie.

For the first time in five months, Ronan liked where his life was heading.

* * *

When Adam showed up the next day, his father's bass and a duffel bag in his hands and blood trailing from his ear, Ronan didn't say anything, just opened the door for him and showed him to the guest room. Adam borrowed Ronan's phone to text Henry and tell him that he was okay to go on tour. Henry responded with a bunch of thumbs-up emojis, and Adam's eyes shone with an emotion Ronan couldn't place as the merman gently cleaned up the blood on the side of Adam's face.

"I'm gonna kill him."

"Don't bother. Hell's too good for him, but he'll get there on his own," Adam responded. The blood was gone, so Ronan chucked the warm washcloth he had used onto the pile of laundry he really should do something about. Neither of them spoke again after that. Ronan reclined on the spare bed, and without asking or being asked Adam settled back to lay on his chest. Ronan wrapped his arms around the other boy, and soon Adam's shaking stopped and his breathing evened out.

This was new. Adam had been avoiding him for weeks before he joined the band, and even if they had grown closer after night after night of pizza and writing music, this was still the first time Adam was showing any vulnerability around Ronan. Ronan didn't know how to react; hell, he was scared that if he breathed wrong Adam would bolt, but he still held on. Now was not the time to question anything. Adam needed comfort, and he was going to give it to him because he deserved better than his shitty dad.

"Do you think we'll get our own tour bus?" Adam eventually asked. Ronan chuckled.

"We'll probably end up in a shitty van with no personal space whatsoever. It's not like they're gonna be rolling out the red carpet for us; we're just a bunch of stupid kids."

"A shitty van still sounds pretty cool," Adam whispered. "Do you think we'll have to sleep in between our equipment?"

"Oh, definitely. Get used to cuddling your bass, dude." This made Adam laugh, and Ronan's chest soared.

"I think I'll stick to cuddling an actual human being for now, thank you very much."

Ronan, the dumbass that he was, almost opened his mouth and admitted that _actually, I'm not even a human being_ , but then some force of nature took mercy on him and made him close his mouth. Adam didn't know about merpeople, and Ronan probably shouldn't spring that on him at a time like this.

' _I'll tell him before we leave for the tour,_ ' Ronan decided as he felt Adam doze off on his chest. ' _He deserves to know, at least_.'


	2. Am I Remembering?

Their family was happy. At least that’s what their dad told Ronan, and at first, Ronan believed him. He didn’t include Declan in the realm of “happy”, though, since Declan was never happy. Declan claimed it was because of the color of his tail, which was a (common) cool green color as opposed to his Ronan’s rare purple scales and Matthew’s even rarer golden scales.

(When Ronan was older, he learned that nobody on either side of their family had ever possessed such a common tail color, and the fact that Declan had a green tail proved his illegitimacy as the heir to the throne. Ronan was given this privilege instead, as the first legitimate son of King Niall and Queen Aurora, and the scandal of Declan’s birth was hidden under lies about finding Declan abandoned as a baby outside of their underwater palace.)

Despite Declan’s general gloominess, Ronan and Matthew were rays of sunshine all the time, swimming around their underwater home playing tag or trying to get their mom’s attention whenever they could. The two princes were hardly separated, always seen in each other’s presence. Their mother smiled, their father laughed, and Declan looked out for his little brothers and made sure they were as happy as they could be. Ronan remembered those days with fondness and joy, an emotion he had grown unaccustomed to as of late.

Their family was happy; at least, it was, until the revolution knocked down their gates. That was when the fondness ended and the rage, sadness, and fear began.

He still saw his father’s body in his sleep. He saw his mother weeping as the leader stabbed him; he saw Declan moving to shield Ronan and Matthew from harm just as the assailant turned the knife on their mother; he saw Noah, still barely older than a pup in their seal form, leading them out through the servant’s entrance while the rebels were distracted. Ronan blinked, and the water he was swimming through was replaced with blood, thick and golden and seeping out of the wounds in his parents' chests. He blinked again, and the knife was coming straight for him this time. He blinked again, and the blood and the knife were gone, replaced with darkness as he sobbed into Declan's chest in an underwater cave far away from their childhood memories. 

”... nan? Ronan? Ronan! Ronan, wake up!”

The nightmares faded away as he was (rather violently) shaken awake. Ronan blinked once more to clear the tears and crust from his eyes to see Noah hovering by the side of his bed, concern written on their face. The clock on the bedside table blinked back three threes at him, which was unsettling to begin with but was even worse when he remembered he went to bed at 2:30.

”You were remembering _that night_ again, weren’t you?” It wasn’t a question; it never was, not when it was Noah asking.

”I don’t think I’ll ever forget.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be up within the next two days!! thank you for reading! <3


	3. Baby's First Tour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for your kind words and comments!! im so glad y'all are enjoying this fic just as much as i enjoyed writing it!!  
> I'm going to be completely honest here and say that i have no idea how concerts and tours work on the inside. I've been to more concerts than i can count, but not as a crew member or musician, so I'm flying blind here. hope the inaccuracies don't take away from the reading experience, and if they do I'm sorry!!

After a month and a half of anticipation and promoting the tour on social media (via everyone except Ronan, who still didn't understand his phone enough to correctly use Instagram), it was finally time to fly out to Florida. Ronan would have been more excited to visit the peninsula if he weren’t forbidden from even stepping into the ocean. He hoped that the swamps were freshwater at least; he wanted to fist-fight an alligator, even if Gansey, Adam, _and_ Henry had explicitly told him not to, but he didn’t want to risk anybody coming after him or Noah and ruining their first-ever tour.

The plane ride was anything but smooth sailing for both Ronan and Noah. They had never been off the ground before, having spent most of their lives underwater, so it was safe to say that the air was new territory for them.

”Are planes supposed to be this loud?” Noah asked as they shuffled along behind Gansey through the aisle to their seats.

”I hate to be the one to tell you, Noah, but they get louder when they take off,” Blue piped up from behind Ronan. This only frightened Noah more, and if Ronan hadn’t been so scared himself he would have threatened Blue for scaring his best friend.

"If it's any consolation, you won't have to fly again until the end of the tour," Henry added. This seemed to calm Noah down a bit.

Once they were in their seats, Noah double- and triple-checked the seatbelt— “Just to be sure, y’know? You can never be too safe.” Ronan saw Adam roll his eyes. Ronan had ended up in the aisle— “I want to be as FAR away from the window as possible, thank you very much"— with Adam next to him and Gansey at the far end. In front of them, Noah sat in between Henry and Blue, Henry with an arm around Noah (hopefully just for comfort during the flight) and with Blue looking pleasantly out the window at the long stretch of road that Ronan forgot the actual name of.

”Is this your first time flying?” Ronan looked up from buckling his own seatbelt to see a flight attendant looking at him and smiling politely.

”Is it that obvious?”

”Afraid so. Trust me, it’s not that bad. I promise you’ll be okay,” the flight attendant said. She leaned forward and placed a hand on Ronan’s shoulder, squeezing it briefly before moving on.

”What was that all about?” Adam snorted.

”What do you mean?” Ronan asked. He turned his head to look at Adam, whose expression was unreadable to Ronan.

”Nothing. She was just… super friendly.”

’ _Friendly? What’s wrong with being friendly?_ ’ Ronan thought. Before he could ask Adam any more questions, another flight attendant started speaking at the front of the plane, and Ronan forgot about Adam’s comments in the face of the imminent prospect of takeoff.

While the flight attendant was speaking, the plane lurched forward suddenly. Ronan’s knuckles grabbed the arm of his seat in terror. They weren’t even in the air yet and Ronan already hated the giant metal contraption he was stuck in.

The flight attendant was still droning on. Ronan tried to focus on her words, but when he blinked a single earbud was being shoved in front of his face. He didn’t have to look over to know that it belonged to Adam. Ronan gratefully accepted the earbud and placed it in his left ear.

”No, Ronan, it goes in your right ear. It’s just weird if you put the right earbud in your left ear, dude, come on.”

Ronan didn’t see what the big deal was, but he still complied and switched ears. Now his head was inches from Adam’s, since Adam had put the other earbud in his left ear. Adam handed him an ancient-looking mp3 player.

”I’m not a big fan of flying either, so I bring this with me whenever I have to take a plane. Just focus on the music and don’t think about anything else,” Adam whispered.

”Thank you.”

Adam placed his hand on top of the one Ronan was using to cling to the seat as a response to Ronan’s thanks, and Ronan finally let go of the arm to turn his palm upwards so Adam could lace their fingers together. When the plane finally started picking up speed Ronan felt his grip on Adam’s hand tightening. He went to loosen his fingers, but Adam only tightened his own fingers in return. The plane finally took off just as the song Ronan picked started flowing through the earbud into Ronan’s ear.

They spent the entire flight to Tampa like that, with their fingers locked together and listening to whatever Adam had loaded onto his music player. Ronan still hated it, but he reasoned that it probably would have been worse without Adam there.

* * *

Henessy was waiting for them when they landed. Her manager (or anyone else from her team, for that matter) was nowhere to be seen, and she was wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap to try and hide her identity. Ronan decided, like always, not to ask questions. Hennessy didn’t approach them until all of their belongings were stuffed into the rental car Henry had managed to get them, but once they were done Ronan turned around to find himself face-to-face with the singer.

”Guys, meet Hennessy,” Henry said. Hennessy smiled at Ronan, who gave her a weak wave in return. He took a step back the moment she turned her attention to someone else. Hennessy took turns greeting the band members one by one; Blue looked like she was about to explode at any second, but Ronan could tell she was trying her best to seem cool in front of one of her favorite musicians.

”Thank you so much for giving us this opportunity,” Gansey said as he shook her hand. Leave it to Gansey to be professional 24/7; he didn’t quite seem to get that they were a _punk_ band, and that professionalism didn’t apply. Ronan wasn’t going to be the one to tell him that though.

”Thank _you_ for filling in last minute. This is my first headlining tour, and my team thought it would be better if I had more than one opening band. Plus, I like y’all’s style. You’ve got the talent, and I’m excited to be sharing the stage with y’all.”

Blue fake swooned behind Hennessy’s back. Ronan rolled his eyes.

”So, the first show is in two days. We’ll be staying at a hotel until then. I assume Henry sent you all the tour dates?”

Everyone nodded— except for Gansey, who nodded AND responded with a “Yes, ma’am”— and Hennessy smiled.

”Great! We have the rest of the day to get to know each other, so follow me back to the hotel and we can drop your stuff off in your rooms!”

* * *

The hotel wasn’t the fanciest, to say the least, but it was still probably better than sleeping in a van. Henry had warned them that not every night would be a hotel night, so Ronan planned on enjoying whatever hotel rooms he could get, roaches or not.

”And this,” Henry said, dramatically pointing towards the hotel parking lot with both arms, “is your ride for the next however many weeks this tour lasts!”

”You weren’t kidding when you said we’d get a shitty van, huh?” Adam whispered to Ronan as the five band members took in the very shitty van Henry was trying to pass off as some sort of luxury accommodation. It looked like every other stereotypical rapist van, complete with tinted windows in the back. From what little bit Ronan could see from the open back doors, there was very little space in the back behind the last row of seats. It was going to be a tight fit, but this was how every other band got their start, and Ronan was going to suffer through it no matter what. It was parked next to the van for the other opening band (who Ronan had yet to see hide or hair of), and compared to theirs the van Henry had gotten them felt like one of those really tiny box cars.

”No, I was not.”

Adam sighed, clearly accepting his fate before moving to help Blue and Noah, who had already started moving their equipment into the back of the van. Ronan was right behind him, helping Gansey carry his drum kit across the parking lot. Once all of their equipment was safely (if haphazardously) inside the van, they closed the back doors and Henry locked it several times.

"Alright!" This was Hennessy, who had been up in her bedroom. She looked slightly different than she had before, but Ronan was having a hard time placing what it was that had changed in the fifteen minutes she had been gone. "I'm sure you're all tired, so we'll meet up tomorrow and have breakfast together before rehearsal starts. That sound good to everyone?"

"That sounds wonderful," Henry answered. Hennessy smiled brightly at them before handing Henry a bunch of room keys and wishing them all goodnight. 

"Alright, so there are three keys here, all on the second floor. The crew and Hennessy already got their rooms, so it looks like we're all doubling up. I assume Blue and Gansey are sharing a room, so who else?"

The silence that followed was nearly deafening. Blue took one look at the remaining four men, grabbed a room key from Henry, and dragged her boyfriend by the arm towards the hotel. 

Ronan was torn. He wanted to room with Noah, since they'd both probably feel safer with the other in the room, but part of Ronan wanted to room with Adam. Judging by the look on Noah's face, they also wanted to room with Henry. 

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Adam groaned after an awkward thirty seconds of the four of them literally just standing around in a circle. "I'm rooming with Ronan; Henry and Noah can get the third room." With that, he snatched a room key and stalked off after Blue and Gansey. Henry blinked, then followed Adam inside, slipping the last room key into his back pocket.

Ronan looked at Noah, and Noah looked at Ronan. Both knew what the other was feeling, and both of them knew it could spell disaster for either of them. 

"Don't be the reason for us losing a hella good manager, understand? You know I'll support you, but if you fuck around and then something bad happens it's on you."

"I could say the same for you and Adam. If we have to replace our bassist and lose a friend because of you, it's gonna be on _you_."

"Touche." Both of them followed the rest of their friend group into the hotel, heading for the elevator and hitting the button for the second floor.

When the elevator doors opened, however, both merman and selkie realized that they didn't know which rooms they had been assigned to, since both of their roommates had taken the keys before telling them which room number was on said key.

"Fuck," Noah said.

"Yeah, you said it, buddy."

"I guess we start knocking?"

"No need." This was Adam, who had apparently been standing across from the elevator. He was leaning against the wall while he waited but pushed off of it with his shoulder when he saw Ronan and Noah. "Noah, you're in the room next to us. Come on."

"Your lucky he's not as dumb as we are," Noah whispered to Ronan as they followed Adam down the hall. Adam pointed to the room Noah was staying in; apparently, Henry had left the door slightly ajar for Noah, but hadn't thought to text them the room number or anything. Noah waved goodnight to his two other friends before walking into their room and closing the door. 

"This one's ours," Adam said as they approached the next door. Adam slid the key in and opened the door to reveal their room, which consisted of two twin-sized beds and a small TV. There was a small mini fridge with a microwave on top of it, and there was a small wooden nightstand between the two beds, but that was all of the embellishment that the room had to offer.

Neither Adam nor Ronan said anything as they began to settle in for the night. Adam told Ronan that he was getting in the shower and Ronan nodded, changing into sweatpants and a tank top as he heard the water start running. By the time Adam reemerged, Ronan had already slipped under the covers, even though he was wide awake and staring at the ceiling. 

"You still awake?" Adam asked. 

"Yep." Ronan turned on his side to give Adam some privacy while he dressed. 

Adam sighed, and Ronan heard fabric rustling before the edge of his bed dipped with Adam's weight. Ronan said nothing as Adam laid down next to him. His hair was still damp, but his skin was warm as he pressed himself up against Ronan's side. 

"Is everything okay?" Ronan asked. His voice barely rose above a whisper, as if the moment would shatter if he spoke too loud.

"The tour starts tomorrow."

"Yeah, it does."

"We've never played a live show before," Adam said, ignoring Ronan's sarcastic comment. "Sure, we've rehearsed and rehearsed, but what if we suck? What if Hennessy realized she made a mistake and kicks us off?"

"Adam, she's not-"

"She might. She might, Ronan, and then I'll have to go back home to my dad. I don't... I don't think I can do that."

"You won't have to, Adam. Even if we get kicked off the tour— which we _won't_ — you won't have to go back to your dad," Ronan reassured. "Just relax."

Adam didn't say anything else after that. Ronan could tell he was still worried, so he gathered Adam into his arms. Adam seemed to melt into him; Ronan wasn't entirely sure that this was real, that it wasn't some sort of dream he was going to wake up from in the future.

"Are you gonna go back to your own bed eventually, or do you just wanna stay like this?" Ronan asked after a few minutes of silence.

"It depends on what you're comfortable with," Adam responded.

"I'm comfortable with anything."

"Then I guess I'm staying."

* * *

Breakfast went by smoothly, with Hennessy asking seemingly random questions as a sort of interrogation. Ronan would never admit it, but he was a bundle of nerves throughout the entire ordeal. Despite his nervousness, however, they all seemed to pass Hennessy's pop quiz, and she ended the breakfast with a beaming smile and another round of handshakes, similar to what happened on the first day.

"That settles it, then. Henry has the address of the venue; I'm sure he'll make sure you all make it there in time for rehearsal and sound check. I have some business to attend to, so I'll catch up with you guys later!" With that, she was gone, leaving the money for their meals on the table (in cash, no less) and slipping out the door. 

"Alright, we have a few hours to kill before rehearsal starts. Anything you guys want to do while you're in Florida?"

"Disneyland!" was, predictably, Noah's first request. Gansey had described Disneyland to them during their first week or so on land, and Noah had always wanted to go.

"We don't have the time or the money to do that right now, Noah. Plus, it's too far away, we'd never make it there and back in time."

"Aw."

"Anyone else?"

"I kinda just want to go straight to rehearsal," Adam admitted. "We've never really played together, and we could use the practice. We don't wanna go in unprepared."

"I agree with Adam," Ronan seconded. Mostly it was for Adam's sake that he agreed, but Adam did have a point; they needed to work out how to play as a group together before they went on stage that night.

"Are... are you sure? Because usually, bands like to take whatever time they can for themselves-"

"We're sure."

"... Okay then. Is everybody else on board?"

"I guess so," Blue said. Gansey and Noah both nodded, and Henry sighed and motioned for them to follow him outside to the van. 

Twenty minutes later, they had pulled up to the rehearsal space. The venue didn't open for another couple of hours, and Hennessy had insisted on them having a separate rehearsal space anyway, so it worked out. Soon their equipment was loaded in and ready to go, and Ronan sat down behind his drum kit.

To say that his drums were "well-loved" was an understatement. When Ronan and his brothers were banished from the sea, he took up playing the drums as a hobby, and he found that pounding away on the drums was a better way of channeling his anger than yelling at Declan constantly. When he and Noah moved in with Gansey, he was allowed to play his drums as loud and for as long as he wanted without Declan or some other snobby Washinton D.C. type yelling at him.

One of Adam's amp let out a large jolt of feedback, and Ronan was forcefully drawn back into the present. Blue and Noah had already brought out their guitars, and Gansey was stepping up to the microphone.

"You guys ready?"

A chorus of "yeah"s followed Gansey's question, and the lead singer smiled.

"Try not to mess up, alright?"

* * *

Most of rehearsal passed by in a blur of instruments and someone yelling "alright, let's take that from the top!" over and over again, but they figured out how to play off of each other's energies and worked out any flaws they spotted. Soon Ronan found himself sitting in the venue's green room next to Noah. The other opening band was also in the room, but the members tended to avoid Ronan and his friends like the plague, so Ronan didn't pay them much attention. Someone poked their head in and called out a ten-minute warning.

"This is it, guys!" That was Henry's bright voice, and Ronan looked up to see their manager standing in front of them. "Your first show! Oh man, it's like watching a baby grow up; it all goes so fast."

"Save the waterworks, Henry," Gansey laughed. He still allowed Henry to hug him, though.

"You've all got less than ten minutes to go, so if you have to go pee or have a nervous breakdown, I suggest you do it now." Henry left the room after speaking, leaving the five band members to finish getting ready.

"Do you think going out shirtless would be a bad move?" Ronan asked.

"As much as I'd like to see that, I'm pretty sure it _is_ a bad move," Adam replied. 

Ronan would unpack all of that later, when they weren't about to go on stage and play for a bunch of people who mainly came for Hennessy.

The same person from before popped back in to give them their five-minute warning, and everyone stood up to make their way to their places. Ronan could see the silhouette of his drum kit on stage in the dark, and as the lights rose up the shiny black metal seemed to shine. The lights were their cue to go on; Ronan caught Noah's eye and ran out towards his drum kit. He vaguely heard Gansey introducing them and giving some long speech to the crowd, but Ronan was too focused on how _real_ it all was. Three months ago they didn't even have a band, and now they were playing their first show. Ronan was in shock, but in a good way, not in the way that made organs shut down and shit.

Blue started their first song off, the heavy and screaming notes flying out over the crowd, and Ronan waited for the chords to repeat before joining in on the drums. Adam's bass started up at the same time, and Noah and Gansey both joined in after another repetition. Gansey's voice was sweeter than what was probably expected from a punk band, but it blended well with the instrumentals.

Ronan was glad he had threatened to throw Noah out of a window in order to get Gansey in the band. 

Things were a bit bumpy at first, but Ronan wasn't worried. He watched Blue spin around in her spot on the right-hand side of the stage, her guitar flying around wildly and barely attached to her body via the simple black guitar strap. By the second song, things were easier, and Noah turned around to put their foot on the bass drum and play at Ronan. Adam didn't move much, besides bobbing his head as he plucked at the heavy strings of the bass, but he proved to be a good counter to Blue's chaotic energy. Everyone was smiling, and when Ronan looked backstage he could see Henry and Hennessy standing side by side and wearing matching grins as well.

They only had four songs on the setlist, so soon they were wrapping up their last song and hurrying off stage after wishing the crowd a good night. Ronan and Gansey carried the drum set off stage so they could load it into the van and the next band could put theirs on stage. Noah grabbed Ronan's arm and dragged him along to manage the merch table during the break between sets, and a few teenagers sidled over to their table to examine the shirts Blue had made and to chat them up. One of them had a clear interest in Noah; it was all Ronan could do to keep himself from laughing as Noah tried their best to kindly turn down her advances. 

They went backstage once the next band came on, and then Adam and Gansey took over during the next break, but soon it was time for Hennessy's set and Ronan once again found himself literally being dragged— this time by Blue— into the crowd. 

Hennessy, once again, seemed different than she had before. They weren't too close to the stage, but Ronan could have sworn her lipstick had been a different shade before, and she had changed shoes since the last time Ronan had seen her. Her presence on stage was the same, though, and the crowd was going absolutely nuts. Ronan found himself in the middle of a mosh pit; by the time Ronan left the crowd in between songs, he had been elbowed in the ribs and was probably going to have a black eye for the next few days.

"I told you that mosh pits are dangerous," Gansey scoffed.

"Yeah, I know. That's what makes them fun."

* * *

The same thing happened in Atlanta the next night, and then in Charleston the next, and then in Charlotte after that. Raleigh mostly followed the pattern, but Blue and Ronan had to physically force Adam to take off his binder before they went on stage. He hadn't been breathing properly for a few days, and they had both decided it was time to lay down the law. His health was more important to all of them than anything, and Adam eventually agreed and swapped his binder for the single bra he had brought with him on tour.

(Some asshole with a neckbeard made a comment after their set that night, but one meeting with Ronan's fist had shut them up. Adam stuck like glue to Ronan's side after that.)

By the time they reached Richmond, all of them were relieved to be back in Virginia. They had already gained a small following of fans; they obviously weren't as big or well-known as Hennessy was, but Ronan would take whatever he could get. 

The other opening band— Ronan had seen their name plastered on all of their merch and banners and such, but he didn't care enough to actually read and remember what it was— still didn't talk to them, except for the lead guitarist. Her name was Gwenllian, and she had a strange way of talking but was friendly towards them nonetheless.

As fun as touring and playing shows was, the worst part for Ronan was the lack of privacy. The two nights they spent in Tampa were the only hotel nights the band had had, and the rest of the dates were spent sleeping in their van amongst their equipment. Gansey and Blue usually shared one of the long couch-like seats in the back, which left Adam, Noah, and Ronan to decide who got the other one and who slept in the very back. Noah, being the little shit that they are, usually swooped in and stole the other seat before Ronan or Adam could even make it to the van.

So, as a result of Noah's childish behavior, Ronan had woken up with Adam laying on his chest for the past three consecutive nights.

He wasn't going to complain, but their sleeping arrangements only served to confuse Ronan more in terms of his feelings for Adam. He knew enough to admit that he liked Adam as more than a friend, but he had always been under the impression that Adam did not feel the same. Recently, though, Adam had been acting like he _did_ feel the same, with all the cuddling and the glances Ronan kept catching when Adam thought he wasn't looking. One of them needed to talk to the other, but Ronan didn't want to risk anything by speaking up.

They finally got another hotel room in Baltimore. They had two days off after their Baltimore show. Ronan was looking forward to making the most of three nights sleeping in an actual bed. When they arrived at the hotel they were once again only given three keys, and they decided on the roommate situation that they had picked last time. Adam didn't even bother trying to claim a separate bed as his own, curling up next to Ronan in his bed instead as they both decided to take a nap before rehearsal started.

The day started out the same, with their pre-show checklist going smoothly. One of Noah's strings broke during soundcheck, but that was quickly taken care of and soon their guitar was re-strung, re-tuned, and ready to play again. Soon it was time for their set, and they all walked on stage to muted cheering and applause. The venue in Baltimore was a bit smaller than the ones they had been playing before, but it looked like it would be ideal for crowd surfing, and Ronan was kind of hoping Blue would jump into the crowd like she had done at the Richmond show two days before.

They played song after song after song. At one point Noah and Adam were playing back to back, and it ended up being _Gansey_ who launched himself off of the stage. Ronan wasn't really sure what made him do it; usually, Gansey was pretty stoic when performing. Ronan was glad to see the change in energy, though. Crowd surfing suited him.

Unfortunately, things went downhill in the middle of their last song. When Ronan happened to look up from his drums, a hooded figure caught his attention in the crowd.

' _That's strange_ ', Ronan thought. Thankfully they had reached a point in the song where the drums stopped for a few moments, so Ronan had the time to examine the figure. They were tall and slender, and they were wearing a literal hooded cloak. Their face was hidden underneath the hood.

' _What is this, fucking_ Assassin's Creed _? Who the hell wears a fucking cloak to a punk concert?'_

A sliver of gold stood out against the black of their cloak, though, and Ronan's eyes focused in on the embroidered symbol on the left side of the piece of clothing. It was hauntingly familiar and left a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach, but it took Ronan a second to place where he had seen it before. When he did identify the symbol, however, his blood turned to literal ice in his veins.

' _Oh,_ fuck _no._ ' Ronan looked at Noah, who was staring at Ronan with the same panicked look in their eyes. Seems like they had recognized the symbol, too.

After years of being on the run and avoiding even putting one foot in the ocean, the hunters had finally caught up with them.


	4. Still Remembering

Here's the artwork from the lovely [kieranfae](kieranfae.tumblr.com) on Tumblr! I'm forcing you all to look at it, because it is AMAZING and I'm so in love with it!

* * *

Their first day in Baltimore found Ronan and Noah sitting on one of the docks that stretched out over the harbor. They had made some poor excuse about going to the aquarium, but they had gone straight to the sea. The salty air washed over them both, soothing Noah and making their longing worse at the same time. Just being this close to the ocean was probably pressing their luck, but neither Ronan nor Noah mentioned it or had any intention of stopping.

"I miss home," Ronan muttered. 

"I do, too."

"Being on land sucks. I'm always itchy and dried out, and everything's too bright."

Noah nodded. Things were more muted underwater, and just because they had gotten used to being out in the sun didn't mean they had to like it.

It wasn't too long ago that they had been forced out of the sea. Eight months was less time than it took to have a baby, and yet it seemed like forever ago that Noah had last felt the ocean's water against his pelt, had felt his fins glide easily through the waves.

Declan had taken care of them at first, living out of an underwater cave and foraging and hunting for food, but soon he had started dividing his time between the land and the sea. He got involved in politics, securing a job as an assistant to some bigshot D.C. politician as soon as he turned 18. Of course, it probably helped that he had forged fake papers for himself. Soon Declan was getting paid enough money that they didn't have to forage anymore. Sometimes Matthew or Ronan would accompany him on land, but Noah preferred to stay underwater. The cave was hidden enough that they didn't need to worry too much about being discovered, and they didn't like shedding their pelt if they could avoid it.

Their life continued on for a few years, with Ronan and Matthew both getting part-time jobs to help Declan out with money, but their peaceful existence didn't last forever.

Noah remembers it all too well. They were sure that Ronan did, too, even if he never spoke about it. They were woken up one morning by a group of older merpeople surrounding them, weapons pointed directly at their heads. Declan was gone, and Ronan positioned in front of Matthew to shield his little brother from harm. They each had a tattoo on their chest, something that resembled a hexagon with some sort of fancy star in the middle. Noah didn't like to think about the symbol for too long.

"We've finally found you little shits," one of them had said. "We've been searching for you for years."

"Why?" Mathew had stupidly asked.

"Because you're what's left of the royal family. We can't let you live."

"But we didn't do anything! You don't have any reason to hurt us!"

"You exist; that's enough of a reason for us."

The one who had spoken raised his spear in order to drive it into Ronan's chest, but before he could deliver the blow a knife had gone straight through his chest. Declan had reappeared just in time, but the other three had turned on him once he stabbed their leader.

"We were going to let _you_ live, since you're not even really royalty, but now I guess you can join your brothers and their pet seal," scoffed one of them. Declan, to his credit, didn't look too offended at their comments. He just raised his knife higher, obviously preparing for a fight. Noah caught a glimpse of Matthew sneaking another knife into the hand that Ronan had placed behind his back.

Noah's memory of what happened next was blurry at best. They remembered biting one of them in the tail hard enough to literally rip a chunk of flesh out, and the taste of blood and scales wasn't one that they would ever really forget. Somehow they managed to escape again, with Declan in the lead and Noah taking up the rear. All of the rebels were either dead or wounded, but one of them had enough strength left to lift his head and yell after them as they swam away.

"We'll find you! No matter where you go, we'll always find you! We won't stop until you're all dead, and any allegiance to the old king is wiped out!"

They had all made the decision to stay away from the ocean after that. Ronan had shaved his hair off the day after, defying generations of tradition and making Matthew clutch his golden curls as if he thought he was next. Hair was special to merpeople, especially to those of royal descent, and by cutting it Ronan was essentially separating himself from his culture. Noah had held him while he cried afterward.

(To this day Matthew still kept his hair long, and Ronan would braid his brother's hair whenever he and Matthew would hang out.)

"Come on," Ronan said, breaking Noah out of their memories, "we should probably get back to the others. Henry'll have a heart attack if we're late, and we still need to eat before the show tonight." He stood up and offered a hand to Noah, who gratefully accepted it and used Ronan as an anchor to haul themselves to their feet.


End file.
